ShinRa News
by Project Nevermore
Summary: A simple script created for a Final Fantasy 7 themed News Report, starring old and new characters. Rating for language.


Author's note: This is a script made for a simple 'News Room' skit for Final Fantasy 7. Co-Authored by myself and Rene-Quest. All Final Fantasy characters are owned respectively by Square Enix, or whatever the hell they're calling themselves these days. Rene is the character of the Co-author to this skit, Serena (Rene-Quest), while Gin is my creation (Project Nevermore). Cindy Thermopolis, Carol Storm, and Brenda Cheng are our combined creations. The Jenovaism ad was inspired by VG cats, and the Ladder to Heaven was inspired by South Park. Songs used are 'Eyes On Me' by Faye Wong from FF8, and the Turks' Theme from FF7. Advent Children songs used are 'Black Water', 'Divinity I', and 'Aerith's Theme Piano Version'. 'Real Fantasies' is a soap opera created for the use in this script. It is a fake show, as is Mornings in Midgar. Duh…XP

Anyways, now that all the really long boring copyright shit is over with, enjoy the show!

1'Eyes on Me' playing in background in the background

Steph: I...I have something to tell you.

Reno: What is it?

Steph: Reno...I'm...I'm pregnant.

Reno: Oh, well...wait, what!

Change song to 'Turks' Theme'

Announcer: We interrupt 'Real Fantasies' to bring you this special news bulletin, brought to you by The Silver Haired Men. 100 pure Kadork, no artificial preservatives. Pocky not included. We bring you the Shin-Ra ten o clock news, and now to the news room.

Rene: Good evening, my name is Rene Quest.

Gin: ...and I'm Gin Strife. Tonight's first report, 22 year old Aeris Gainsborough died in an unfortunate 'snowboarding' accident when she impaled herself on a 'tree branch'. The young Ms. Gainsborough was a thriving member of the underground mercenary group, AVALANCHE, and a prominent business woman in the sale of flowers when she died. Ding-dong the bitch is dead.

Rene: Cloud is going to kill you...Anyways, local reports have stated that a large rock, also known as Meteor, is falling from the Heavens. Researchers report that this is due to the stupidity of Cloud Strife. Details later.

Gin: And while we're on that subject, this has also led to the releasing of four natural monsters of the planet, codename 'Weapon.' The four weapons, Diamond, Ultima, Ruby and Emerald, are currently rampaging across the continents and wreaking general havoc.

Rene: Speaking of havoc, it seems that reports have just come in that Sephiroth is, in fact, still alive. This former member of the SOLDIER project, Sephiroth has taken refuge within the Northern Crater. The same place in which the calamity, Jenova, had fallen only years before.

Gin: In other news, my brother Cloud is totally Emo. Moving on...

Rene: This just in! It appears that a ladder to Heaven is currently being built in Wutai. We'll bring you updates as they come in. Other news after this short commercial break.

Commercial break, play 'Black Water' in background

1st Announcer: Want to have thighs of fucking steel...?

2nd Announcer: ...or an ass that looks grope-able in leather?

1st Announcer: Then come down to Loz's Gym.

2nd Announcer: We're _not_ crying.

End commercial, stop song.

Gin: Welcome back. And now to Cindy Thermopolis for Sports.

Cindy: Rambling - Improv! And now Carol Storm for the Weather.

Carol: Thank you, Cindy. Today is slightly cloudy with chance of light precipitation of lifestream, and possible meteor showers in the early morning. As for next week, the apocalypse. If, of course, we can't find a hero to save us all. Next, Brenda Cheng with Business.

Brenda: Arigato, Carol-san. In today's stock market, Shin-Ra Electrical Company has gone up three points. That is it for the stock market. In other business news, Materia is in high demand, and Seventh Heaven still in a state of disrepair. That is all, Sayonara.

Gin: Thank you, Brenda. This is all for tonight news. Tune in tomorrow for the ever popular talk show, Mornings in Midgar, as they delve into the mysteries behind Shin-Ra sciences.

Rene: This has been Rene Quest...

Gin: ...and Gin Strife. Thank you, and goodnight. And for a word from our sponsers...

Sponser ad start, play 'Divinity I' in background

Jenova's Witness: Hello there, I'm a Jenova's witness, and I am here to talk to you about the Church of the One-Winged Angel of Ladder Day Summons. Will you be ready for reunion, the day we all come together in the great joining of our mother? Call now for a free consultation, at 1-800-JENOVA. And Hojo said, 'Let it be spliced!'

Random Witness: Praise Hojo!

Announcer: And now back to your regularly scheduled program.

'Real Fantasies' start, play 'Aerith's Theme' in background

Steph: What do you mean they've all disappeared!

Announcer: To be continued, next time...on Real Fantasies.

END


End file.
